I heard they are remaking yet another popular eighties show, Wonder Woman! And since it's been a sufficient amount of time that has lapsed since my "incident", I can share with you why I feel I deserve said role. After all I can safely say my friends have known me long enough and have plenty to laugh at without making me feel dumb about a stupid little childhood incident.....right?
It's 1982 and I seriously think all the cool shows like the Hulk, wonder woman, and the Justice league were more fun than playing outside. Yes i said that....why? because back then kids actually played outside....all day. Our imagination was in abundance, and never did we say we were 'bored'. Those were the days, and being a twin made it even better. I mean how convenient it was to have a partner in crime! One of our favorite things to do was dress up and run around as our favorite super hero, and yes we did play the role of the "Wonder twins" but I hated always getting stuck having to be the one that turned into a bucket of water.
My most favorite role was Wonder Woman. With her cool gold cuffs and boots, and don't forget her lasso! Now granted I could not replicate her massive breasts....although I'm not gonna lie....I did try. Nothing could express my pure excitement in my soul when Fruit of the Loom came out with "underroos". Seriously I thought I was actually Wonder woman when I had them on, complete with a red bath towel draped on my back...worn proudly. The only time it was ok to run around like a freak in your underwear.
One day I took my role to a place I never thought possible and it's only now I can truly laugh about it, because when it happened it was serious business and not funny......at all. So, remember how wonder woman would throw her arms out and twirl flawlessly until her clothes whipped off so fast it was missed by the naked eye?Then as she slowed down, not only was her hair perfectly coiffed but complete with a crown. Then donned in her cool costume she would fight crime, I mean what was cooler than that!? Well I would practice this unobtainable twirl over and over and the mere fact that I did not have lasting brain damage is a miracle. I would twirl everywhere, over and over praying that my shear might would whip my clothes off and be replaced with gold shorts and bullet proof bust. I took this madness to the shower one day and sadly it was not successful like I hoped. I am not sure what possessed me to begin the flailing...I mean twirling in a cool fashion, but I soon realized the shower was not the place for super heroness to happen. As I twirled, my wet arms began to gather the shower curtain and all of a sudden I was entwined in a plastic cocoon, totally hindering the process of me becoming wonder woman. Before I could stop, I began to fall, viciously ripping the curtain down with me. As if the sure beating I would receive by my mother was enough punishment, the bathroom door that once concealed my secret attempt at heroness, was whipped open by my mother. This of course was topped off by my brother and his friend standing there to witness me on the floor wrapped up like a burrito. For the love of Lynda Carter, if I could only have Superman's heat lazer eyes to disintegrate them to prevent further blackmail attempts!
Well I am pretty sure I let down Lynda Carter that day, along with Every little girl in the world...at least that's how I felt. My mother was actually not as pissed as I would expect, due to the fact I gave her something to laugh at for a few days.
