Important rules every male cyclist should know

1. Do not under any circumstances wear spandex….ever. I’m serious, there is not a woman alive that wants to see you in that, EVER…….please for the love of sight, keep that for home use only.

2. Please wear pants that cover your ENTIRE ass not just the bottom part, but the top crack part as well. No one wants to see a hairy A- hole on their way to work, and it can’t possibly be comfortable.

3. If you insist on riding with traffic, then do not get in the way, after all you are worth at least 20 points. God help you if you get in the way of someone frantically trying to get home to the toilet, turtleing will only improve your chances of getting hit or run off the road.

4. Make sure every part you have a current use for, is secured appropriately, important objects are known to get stuck in the spokes of the wheels. Also, important appendages do not fare well when you run over a pot hole. According to my brother it hurts when a nut randomly gets free and is unintentionally sat on.

5. If you insist on all the fancy gadgets and latest trends for your bike, then make sure they do not hamper the functions of the bike. We all will laugh watching you wobble uncontrollably as you are furiously trying to set your pedometer or fan speed.

6. Last but not least, DO continue to think you are cool by riding your bike without utilizing your arms and hands. Leaning back with your arms to the side displaying your apparent Godly skills, can only lead to tears, tears of laughter for all of us driving along innocently. We know the chances of you hitting a pothole or the handlebars suddenly jerking to one side, are greatly in our favor and everyone can use a good laugh or two.

It's family time God Dammit!

Ummmm....just a little tip I thought I would pass on. Be careful of your movie selection for your family's movie night. I have been working hard and going back to school and I have a few days off, so I thought it would be great for our family to bond and have a movie night. Much cheaper than going out, anyway I told my husband to bring home the movie, The Knowing. I said, "oh I think that was the movie that had a cool trailer, that should be good, get that one" So we all sat down and of course my 2 girls had to start fighting....again, so I screamed "we are going to have a family night God dammit, now sit down!" Well, we sat down to a movie of death and the destruction of all human kind......
enough said
and wow

Lock your doors and get a dog!

I'm afraid, due to school and work, I must recycle an old post sorry! please enjoy...again

I AM NOT SURE I CAN EXPRESS MY THOUGHTS INTO WORDS ON THIS ONE….BUT FOR MANKIND I WILL AT LEAST TRY. ONE DAY A FRIEND OF MINE SENT SOME ANIMAL PICTURES VIA EMAIL. LITTLE DID HE KNOW A CREATURE THAT CAN ONLY STRIKE FEAR AND CONFUSION INTO YOUR VERY SOUL WAS AMONG THEM.

THE MAGNITUDE OF FEAR THAT EVEN THE THOUGHT OF A CREATURE OF THIS KIND CAN EXIST IN THE SAME REALM AS WE LIVE, IS ENOUGH TO SEND YOUR MIND ALONG WITH YOUR SKIN INTO A WILLIE WONKERS KIND OF TIZZIE.

MY QUESTION IS TO OUR GOVERNMENT, THE ONE THAT WE ARE LEAD TO BELIEVE HAS OUR BEST INTEREST ALWAYS IN HAND. WHY FOR THE LOVE OF STEVE IRWIN WERE WE NOT NOTIFIED THAT SUCH CREATURE EXISTS? WHY HAVE OUR TAXES NOT GONE TOWARDS ERADICATING ITS SPECIES FROM OUR LOVELY PLANET??

I MEAN I AM TH ROUGHLY CONVINCED THAT IT IS A DIRECT DESCENDANT FROM THE DEVIL HIMSELF, A MINION OF PURE EVIL. I ALSO BELIEVE IT IS THE ANSWER TO EVERYTHING THAT GOES WRONG IN THE WORLD. SOMEHOW “IT” IS RESPONSIBLE.

NOW THAT “IT’S” IMAGE IS BURNED INTO MY RETINAS FOR EVER, I CANNOT SHAKE THE FEELING THAT WHILE I AM IN BED AT NIGHT WITH THE COVERS PULLED TIGHTLY UP TO MY CHIN THAT I HEAR A “CHICK CHICK CHICK CHICK” OF “IT’S” NAILS AGAINST THE HARDWOOD FLOORS. SLOWLY IT CREEPS CLOSER AND CLOSER AND I FLIP ON THE LIGHT IN A VIOLENT JERK AND OF COURSE… BECAUSE OF IT’S EVILNESS….IT’S DISAPPEARED OR BECOME INVISIBLE TO THE HUMAN EYE.

DO YOU KNOW THE FEELING YOU SOMETIMES GET THAT MAKES YOU TURN AROUND AND LOOK BEHIND YOU? THAT IS BECAUSE “IT” WAS THERE. “IT” WITH IT’S WIRY HAIRS AND GREENISH YELLOW EYES. IT’S LONG BONY FINGERS OUT STRETCHED TO SCRATCH YOUR EYES OUT.