I usually stay out of the drama news of celebrities, I really don’t care what grocery store Brittany’s cooter was sited or which Olsen twin is wearing the latest garbage bag to hide her emaciated drug infected boy body, wow that was rude…anyway, I just had to comment on Demi Moore’s latest endeavor to fight the winless battle against aging. She announced on Letterman that she is currently using Leech therapy. Yes you read it right, LEECH therapy. Apparently letting those slimy black boogers attach themselves to designated areas on your body has its benefits. To me, a benefit would NOT be placing LEECHES on your body to burrow into your epidermis and feast on your plasma.First of all I was shocked to learn that Demi even has blood running in her veins to utilize such a process. What’s next sucking the souls out of the young and innocent? Now don’t get me wrong here, if I had a written guarantee signed in blood might I add, that soul sucking would result in eternal youth and beauty, well I might be swayed to the dark side and I would therefore not be allowed around children…alone…anymore.
Well, I would at least try sucking the souls out of humans we don’t care about first, like politicians or lawyers…ohh wait…they don’t have souls. I would like to note that I was at least willing to try an alternate source.
Come on now people, nothing in this world will stop your once perky parts from eroding, not even slapping a leech on your wrinkles to suck them out! It’s inevitable and you will only look worse trying. Resorting to placing icky leeches all over your body to suck you blood out, is it really worth it? Will your body be left with permanent leech hickeys?
How about this visual for you: you are 94 and in a nursing home and it’s time for a shower, so a young perky little nurse’s aid comes bouncing in to help you into the shower and she gets you naked and she cannot help but quietly gasp and you reluctantly look up at yourself in the mirror as if you need proof of what you already know, what you already have tried to suppress.
Slowly you look into the mirror and stare at your saggy profile and you see the “tramp stamp” you got when you we’re 18, that has now sagged into your crevice. Then you turn sideways and at your saggy pouch like waist you see the beginnings of your brownish purple dead nipples attached to a stretched band of transparent veiny skin.
You cringe and try hard to mask your pain, then you look higher now and you see them, those perfect round bulging masses. They are your breast implants, the ones that will out last the life of the sun. Those perky bastards stare back at you in the mirror as if they were mocking you.
You grab your sagging nipple pouches and pull them back behind you trying to make those silicone masses proud. Defeated you turn and tell the aid in a disgruntled voice " take a picture it'll last longer" and shuffle into the shower.
So, the moral of this story is that getting old is a part of life, a sucky part but a fact that we have no control over and unless you want to look like a science experiment gone horribly wrong, then you will just suck it up and move on. I guess you can give Demi credit for giving it a good fight. Personally, I think I will stick with my oil of olay anti-wrinkle cream and hope for the best.
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9 comments:
You know, these people don't deserve the money the have! they should give it to us so we can use it for practical reason, like paying bills!
the sick part is that I bet these stars pay thousands of dollars just to have leeches slapped on them! Hell there are ponds out there you can dip your naked ass into and come out with FREE leeches sucked onto you!
In the south we use mosquitos to suck blood and it's free. They keep us young because you can't sit still to relax.
If I had the money I would definately get implants. They'd be so much fun for so much longer than they'd be weird looking. Who cares what everyone else thinks if it brings me happiness. Wait, I'm a guy so that would be wrong and freakish. I wonder how much it would cost, though. I mean I would never do anything like that, but...ok I've said enough.
Demi Moore needs to be careful. The last leech she had on her body still won't go away. I think she calls it Bruce Willis.
That pic is freakin scary.
http://www.break.com/pictures/oh-lord481194.html
Here's another one.
"Sagging nipple pouches"
HA!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats the best line you ever said April. That and "empty ball sack".
XOXO
Love,
your Darling Brother
to grow old gracefully is accepting you are old. apparently, there will be physical changes. the best way is to keep a positive outlook in life and be happy. that's the real secret to growing old gracefully.
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