Hey, I've got a "stimulus" package for wall street!

I bet this is one stimulus package every American can afford

Put your hands up and step away from the Knitting Needles!

BLUE ASH (Isn’t that the popular shade of hair color over the age of 70?), Ohio - An 89-year-old Ohio woman faces a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children say she refused to give back their football.
Edna Jester was placed under arrest last week and taken to the police station in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash. Police say there had been an ongoing dispute over the errant football and a child's father called to report that Jester kept the ball after it landed in her yard.
Blue Ash Police Capt. James Schaffer says police warned Jester twice and finally arrested her after she refused to accept a citation. She must appear in mayor's court next month.
What the fuck has this world come to that we feel the need to ARREST an 89 yr old lady for not giving back a ball that was thrown into her yard?!

Who the hell do we have to call to make aware of this beyond fucked up situation?! First of all, I’m sure they conveniently forgot to mention the ball was thrown into her yard, no doubt landing on her rose bushes over and over again.

With each time some damn bastard brat running all over her property to retrieve it…over and over again. For the love of Danny Marino! Personally if it were me, I would have marched down to Dick’s sporting goods and purchased 20 footballs. Then I would have marched down to the local high school and paid their star quarterback $20.00 bucks to launch them (very hard) at the kids as they trespass into my yard.

This is our hard earned money raped from us, for taxes to be used for BULLSHIT things like this! Are they actually taking the time in our judicial system to hear such a case?!

Dear Christ someone needs to point out this atrocity! Back in my day, if you were stupid enough to get caught in the yard of your neighbor (unless you are mowing their lawn for a bag of pennies and a stick of juicy fruit gum) then you reap the punishment.

Which was up to the neighbor AND on top of what your mother’s going to do you when you get home. If flowers were trampled…Hell you are on your own with that one. I think those officers should be down right ashamed of themselves for arresting an old lady for keeping something that was thrown into HER property! They should be lined up and beaten by old ladies and their handbags!

To keep all the old bag's out of jail, vote here

Proof of why we need to beat our children.

ASHEVILLE, N.C. - A 19-year-old Asheville teenager said she legally changed her name to CutoutDissection.com, to protest animal dissections in schools. The Asheville Citizen-Times reported that graduate Jennifer Thornburg now wants to be called “Cutout”. The teenager said she began opposing dissections in middle school, after a class assignment to dissect a chicken wing made her uncomfortable. Ok where should I start?…how about, are you friken kidding me here! For the love of Col. Sanders what is wrong with dissecting a chicken wing? I mean you can eat it when you’re done! Roll it in some hot sauce, dip it in blue cheese and be done with it! What is this girl’s malfunction? Obviously her parents did not beat her enough. The only thing this girl is accomplishing with her “statement” is that she is a brainless tree hugging, plants have feelings, no eating anything with a face, one square of toilet paper using, bean sprout sucking, twit. As a child, when you pick your nickname it should NOT involve words such as, “cut” or “dissection”. Your occasional “booger”, “dick”, “tiny’, “slappy” or “happy” are frequently used, but “CUT” that should be the first sign of insanity and your parents should beat you and sign you up for many hours of therapy. Now what does she pose the teachers use for dissection? A bunch of Mr. Potato heads? How about you shut up, suck it up and deal with it. And your grade for this quarter is an F…..ya big dummy! Wow…..It’s been a while since my last rant…sorry! To carve...I mean save the chickens....click here!

HELLO!

While I have some free time, I thought I would update all my humor blog buddies on my school endeavors! First of all for some reason, in college they feel the need to hand out large amounts of homework? Do they not know I have other things to do? I mean really, how selfish of them. I thought maybe my teacher’s would see that since I am in my thirties (ahhhhh!) that surely I would have the knowledge and experience, therefore should be excluded from such obscene amounts of homework. This apparently is not the case and my teacher’s were not amused with me pointing out such details. I also found out that I should give myself more time to walk 4 parking lots away from my building to bound up 4 flights of stairs and 3 hallways to class. For some reason I thought this would only take a minute or 2. Silly me. I also realized no matter what your age and what school you are in, there is always a plethora of people that ask STUPID questions that take up time and do nothing but irritate and piss off the teacher along with all surrounding people that possess half a brain. Well alrighty then, I promise next blog will induce laughter either at me or with me…either way is fine! Take care.

please have pity and give me a vote!