Things NOT to do the first time mowing a lawn.
1. Do NOT wear shorts- apparently small objects of pain like to shoot back in the direction of your legs at g-force.
2. Do NOT wear sneakers you care about- your favorite gym sneakers do not look cool with a bright green stain, mixed with the aroma of the gas you spilled all over them while trying to fill the mower’s gas tank.
3. Do NOT I repeat do NOT stop to wave furiously at your child that is jumping on the trampoline- the mower does not care how cute you think you are being and will take your simple ass for a ride.
4. Do NOT ignore your husband while he is giving you much needed directions- for some reason the mower stops every time you let go of the handle.
5. Do NOT ignore upper body exercises at the gym- if you do not have the strength of the incredible hulk, you will not be able to pull that stupid rope over and over again till it starts back up…each time you let go of that damn handle.
6. Do NOT move that lever up to the highest number thinking it will make it work better- again without much needed upper body strength you will be dragged at mock speed into a tree that is of course in your way.
7. Do NOT think the mower can shred and chop like your favorite kitchen appliance or garbage disposal- running over large sticks will NOT be shredded into non harming lawn darts…you will kill someone or ruin the stupid lawn mower blade.
8. Do NOT look at a rock and run it over anyway- the mower blade will not simply or lightly throw it aside. It will however kick it back at the speed of light and lodge it into your epidermis.
9. Do NOT keep a firm grip on the handle when you trip- even though its hard to start that damn mower all over again, it’s even harder to remove the grass stains on your knees that go through all 7 layers of your skin.
10. Do NOT think you can do everything just as good as a man- apparently men can do some things better and we should just force them…..I mean let them do it themselves. It will save us our cute gym sneakers, a lot of bruises, cuts and calluses, along with the dirty looks of your neighbors….because apparently they have never heard a swear word or two.
1. Do NOT wear shorts- apparently small objects of pain like to shoot back in the direction of your legs at g-force.
2. Do NOT wear sneakers you care about- your favorite gym sneakers do not look cool with a bright green stain, mixed with the aroma of the gas you spilled all over them while trying to fill the mower’s gas tank.
3. Do NOT I repeat do NOT stop to wave furiously at your child that is jumping on the trampoline- the mower does not care how cute you think you are being and will take your simple ass for a ride.
4. Do NOT ignore your husband while he is giving you much needed directions- for some reason the mower stops every time you let go of the handle.
5. Do NOT ignore upper body exercises at the gym- if you do not have the strength of the incredible hulk, you will not be able to pull that stupid rope over and over again till it starts back up…each time you let go of that damn handle.
6. Do NOT move that lever up to the highest number thinking it will make it work better- again without much needed upper body strength you will be dragged at mock speed into a tree that is of course in your way.
7. Do NOT think the mower can shred and chop like your favorite kitchen appliance or garbage disposal- running over large sticks will NOT be shredded into non harming lawn darts…you will kill someone or ruin the stupid lawn mower blade.
8. Do NOT look at a rock and run it over anyway- the mower blade will not simply or lightly throw it aside. It will however kick it back at the speed of light and lodge it into your epidermis.
9. Do NOT keep a firm grip on the handle when you trip- even though its hard to start that damn mower all over again, it’s even harder to remove the grass stains on your knees that go through all 7 layers of your skin.
10. Do NOT think you can do everything just as good as a man- apparently men can do some things better and we should just force them…..I mean let them do it themselves. It will save us our cute gym sneakers, a lot of bruises, cuts and calluses, along with the dirty looks of your neighbors….because apparently they have never heard a swear word or two.
for a much needed point and to keep me from mowing again please click here http://humor-blogs.com/
11 comments:
The mower stops when you let go of the handle as a safety device. :D
Also, do not allow brand new mower to fall off the curb, as that will do a number on the blades as well. Shhh, don't tell my husband.
Dave ! I found Kathy ! She's at April's ...
This is why I simply refuse to learn how to run the mower...REFUSE.....And ours is a ride on!!!!Men need to handle the outside chores cause they usually are of no help with the indoor ones.
Ha! I have never mowed our lawn ever. If the hubs ever asks me to learn, I'll just point him over here. :o)
I had a mower issue once... It was a terrible,no good rotton day!
OH, praytell my darling sister and your ignorance of mowing the lawn, for we too as men, have shared in all of the fun and wonderful points you listed. We just don't want to admit it. Actually we pretty much F$%* everything up the first like 20 times we do them, then we sit and act like we are professionals and those little girls can't do this men stuff. Well I am glad you had fun mowing the lawn, just wondering, did Chris vacuum the house too?
XOXOXO
Darling Brother.
Clearly, this demonstrates that lawn mowers, like corsets, were invented by men.
Otherwise, they would operate by joystick from the front porch while sipping mint julips and reading People magazine.
(p.s. I clicked on your humor blogs link...gotta share the humor blog love!) :)
- Margaret from Nanny Goats In Panties
See, this is exactly why I don't let my wife anywhere near my mower. Nowhere near my mower. Uh uh.
That said, I love mowing in shorts and sandals, because it toughens my legs and feet for ... uh, I don't know why I do that.
Always, always, mow the lawn in your Darth Vader costume. It's got built in shin guards, a safety helmet, and the cape just looks cool.
You have some very funny stuff on this site. Keep up the good work. Gruggers at http://gruggersway.today.com
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