I don’t know what all the fuss was regarding water boarding, throw a prisoner into the same room as my husband and his snoring will drive the man to complete insanity, begging to share his valuable secrets. I’m talking about the kind of snoring that can actually be genetically linked to “The Kraken” (For those of you that are not cool and too young to know, “The kraken” is the great beast in the movie “Clash of the Titans”).
A snore so loud, that instead of wanting to smother the snorer, you just want to kill yourself. A snore so loud and thunderous it can wake you up out of a peaceful R.E.M from another floor of the house…with the door shut. I am not sure how it is physically possible to create such a sound in your sleep unless of course your best friends with George Lucas, but I am quite sure it’s NOT normal.
I also believe that if I do a census, unexplained sleep deprivation for the neighboring houses and it’s occupants will be a key factor. Thankfully “The Kraken” does not sound off every night, just on the nights…...I need to, sleep.
I think Al Gore should be notified, he would want to immediately be the founder a project to harness the energy put out from my husband’s mouth and power all of California. Either that or he would blame global warming along with the melting of ALL the polar caps directly on “The Kraken”, I mean my husband.
Some nights I actually play though several scenarios in my mind of how one can make the torture stop. Then after several swift and slightly forceful kicks combined with forearm shoves to my “innocent” sleeping husband, he changes position, which quiets the roar long enough for me to fall back asleep. For the life of me I cannot comprehend why the noise emulating from his own actual body does not wake himself up?
I really think that if you make a recording of the torturous sound, which would probably be dangerous for mankind to possess but anyway, hook up the recording to be continuously played at our borders, this will deter all life from wanting to enter. Please if there is a scientist that can invent a force field to place my husband into during his slumber, I would greatly appreciate it. To silence The Kraken, click here, and don't forget to vote
18 comments:
Too funny. Does your husband know that your revealing his "problem" to the world?
I think a plastic bag over his head might do the trick of course there could be some side effects but who knows
yes her husband just found out
maybe if you stopped drugging his meatloaf the kraken will get a normal night's sleep.
Let's not try to imagine what happens when you snore under water Mr. Kraken. First time I saw Clash of the Titans, I was about...hmmm, 6 years old or so? Mick was training Perseus to knock out the Kraken in the second round.
Oh lordy, LOL.
When I was a kid it was IMPERATIVE that everyone get to sleep before my father or there was no sleeping, LOL.
But, a doctor can help. Snoring is actually not a good thing ... over time it's bad for your health.
hehehe...have you tried using a snorkel on the Kraken? I'm sure you can get a Kraken-sized one on eBay.
Rickey wonders, how would The Kraken respond to being banished to the couch?
I remember watching "Clash of the Titans" in junior high school...our teacher forgot to cover the TV during the part where Aphrodite walks out of the bath topless....one of the only bright spots of junior high.
OMG! I've never understood either why loud snoring, enough to wake up the whole house, doesn't wake up the offender as well! How unfair is THAT?!?!?
Hilarious!! I have a friend who I often go on weekends away with, same thing... you can hear the snoring from outside the house!!! :)
days-of-war-nights-of-love.blogspot.com
This is hilarious. Thank God my wife doesn't snore. Every once in awhile we hear our beagle sawing wood in his little crate, but it doesn't last long enough to be too disturbing. I can't imagine trying to sleep in your house...
Ha, I always say 'release the Kraken,' loved that movie. In fact my friend is about to have a baby and asked me what he should name him, I suggested Kraken as one of the names. He's actually thinking about it.
Have you tried the technique where you pinch his nose so he can't breathe? I feel for you hon - I hate noise when I'm trying to sleep.
Ha Ha...What you really need is a big castle to live in so you sneak into your "quiet room" when the snoring starts!!
Ha ha! You know who keeps us up? My 18 pound dog Tazz. He snores so loud I've had nightmares where I think I'm being chased by wild boars! And he is 3 rooms away!
April,
The Midlife Gals love your blog. Our blog has now morphed into a full-on website and we wanted to invite you to come see:
http://www.themidlifegals.com
SalGal and KK
April,
I can soooo sympathize. I few years back one of the guys at the firehouse snored like a chainsaw. I had to sleep with a pillow over my head. To this day I don't sleep well without my head sandwiched between pillows
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