Yesterday I am driving home with my two daughters in the car, which is always a joy. If you have 2 daughters you know what I mean. Teenager daughter is in the front seat of course, and 10yr old in the back going through her bundles of goodies from a day at grandma’s house.
For some reason unknown to me or God, my mother likes to give them stuff every time they come over. All kinds of stuff, it could be a whole range of things from hand me down dress up clothes for my youngest, to arts and crafts they diligently worked on. There will always be at least a box or bag or two of stuff!
So I’m driving along trying not to use my car as a battling ram against all mother loving Botards that forgot how to drive home during rush hour. Suddenly my mommy senses told me to glance back at the little one.
Since I am on the expressway, I just quickly take a look in the mirror and sure enough, I see her engrossed in what I can only imagine as something really bad, messy or dangerous to anyone in the vicinity. So I push down that feeling of parent panic and figure it can’t be THAT bad. So I risk a quick turn of my head to actually see face to face what she is doing.
I then see my daughter holding what looks like a large slimy and most importantly a living thing. I turn back and give my teenager a look of pure disgust and she rolls her eyes, which teenagers are real good at.
So right there I knew, she knew what the HELL was going on in the backseat of my car that I can never keep clean or empty.
After checking my mirrors to make sure I didn’t run anyone off the road again, I take another look and this time she decided to shove her hands closer to my face just in case I want a closer and better look.
How nice of her, anyway there, within 5 inches of my facial area was a large, fat, juicy, dirty, disgusting, wiggly worm. Complete with my little one’s face contorted into an evil grin followed with that Jack Nicholson chuckle.
My lovely teenager busted out with “ask her what’s in the other container ma” Are you fucking kidding me here?! So, I ask the little dear what is in the other container.
She responded with “minnow’s, lots of them.”
For the love of Jack Hanna! Why do I have worms and minnows in my car and all over my child….while I’m driving?!
You see it’s just one more group of living creatures that will end up a dried up smelly cluster of death….in my house! I can’t possibly have any land left to bury anymore dead things!
As we go over a high bridge my first instinct was to chuck all containers containing things that I do not want alive….. anymore.Then I realize my little one will be traumatized and pissed off, and I was in no mood for “whinny, I have a vagina” drama.
Then as usual I remember a saying my mother used to say every chance she got, “I can’t wait till you have kids of your own!” Yeah ma, so you can send them home with everything that pissed you off that I did.
So, I turned back around and said it, “ I can’t wait till you have kids someday!
What’s worse than the residual smell of minnows in stinky lake water as you drive to work the next morning? Pretty much nothing.Please have pity and vote for me here
13 comments:
:o)
My niece was sitting quietly one day had something in her hand she was softly petting. He friend wormy. I told her he didn't belong n the house and his mommy was probably looking for him. I held my breath because I never know what will come next. She nodded and took Wormy outside but she had to dig a hole so he'd be safe.
::shiver!::
My son brings me all kinds of stuff in his pockets. Doesn't matter if it's a beetle, a lizard, or a worm, they all taste like chicken.
Wow..
I had a friend once that said:
"Dare me to eat this worm"
Me: "No"
She ate it anyway.
You should be happy they wernt eating them hehehe
LOL! I just found your blog and it's hilarious. This one is definitely worth a smiley on humor-blogs!
That's pretty good that they even touched the worm. My daughter would have had me pull over so she could leave the car.
Not to disregard the rest of your post, but my kids come home from their grandparents with MORE CRAP every single time.
Enough! I don't need more s*** in my house!
What a great post. Kids are so funny...and grandmas just love to give them things. Especially things that torture the parents. :)
Well, THAT brought back memories! I brought home some muscles and clams from the beach when I was about 5. Decided the shells were pretty, put them in my toy box, and they promptly sifted their way to the bottom through the pile of toys. My poor mother. "What IS that smell?" was her mantra for weeks. I don't remember it bothering me or my father, but she ripped apart my room until she found them and gave me a lecture about how dead things smell. Mother knows best!
NAS-tee.
HAHAHAHAHA......"Whinny I have a vagina drama"....you are the QUEEN of that too.
Oh, man...worms are my phobia. Better you than me on that day!
Thanks for stopping by my site! ;)
Worms are great for toughening up girls and preparing them for icky stuff in the future.
sitting at the lake actually fishing, when you can easily go to the store and buy the damn fish already prepared! Dah!!
Post a Comment