Gone are the days of simple cold cream and Swedish massage. Nowadays, ailments like sore muscles, lank locks and sallow skin are being remedied with the likes of nightingale excrement (that would be….BIRD SHIT, you can fancy it up all you want by using “nightingale” in front of it, but shit is shit folks) facials, full-body fish therapy, snake massages and — yes — preheated golf balls. (I’m sorry what did you say?)
First of all, if I want bird shit on my face, I’ll go down to the pier and get shit on for free.
Holy Tiger Woods! Pre-heated golf balls?? Where would those be going?? And more importantly why?
First of all, if I want bird shit on my face, I’ll go down to the pier and get shit on for free.
Holy Tiger Woods! Pre-heated golf balls?? Where would those be going?? And more importantly why?
Think real hard about that everyone….pre-heated golf balls…why not pre-heated tennis balls? Or maybe pre-heated footballs? Why golf balls? Damn weird rich people!
Equally healing help can be found underwater, courtesy of a flock of hungry fish. (Not to be associated with “flock of seagulls”) At Samputon Spa in Malaysia, a unique breed finds supreme succor nibbling on the dead skin of spa-goers who submerge themselves in their tanks.
Ailments like psoriasis and flakey skin on fingers and feet are put under pain-free attack by these ravenous skin-savers, though the experience is most certainly not for the faint of heart.
“When you are talking about 1000 fish rallying around the body, it definitely scares the squeamish types away,” says spa founder Joe Ng.
Ummmmmmm, let me get this straight, you jump into a filthy tank filled with thousands of ravenous fish, so they can feed off of your dead skin?…..and you pay to do this?
Ummmmmmm, let me get this straight, you jump into a filthy tank filled with thousands of ravenous fish, so they can feed off of your dead skin?…..and you pay to do this?
Let me think on this for a minute. I am pretty damn sure that you wouldn’t catch any of my dead skin anywhere near this tank full of piranhas. Whose to say the fish know when to stop?
Like they know when the dead skin stops and your fresh new ALIVE skin begins. All those “beeshies” (that’s what my kids call em) nibbling on your epidermis while you are awake….that tank would have more than fish poop in it if ya know what I mean.
It used to be that nightingales, fish and snakes were just considered part of nature’s majesty, nothing more than elements of the great outdoors that could be enjoyed by those with a penchant for all things wild and wonderful.
That was before a few clever spa practitioners decided to get creative (creative meaning, better ways to charge a boat load of money to stupid people who can afford to be stupid).
Liquor therapy is also big in some spas, (ok now that sounds better, I’m in!) Moral of the story, no matter how many tarded things you do and how much you pay to do it, your simple ass is going to get old and saggy.
If you have dry flaky skin, march on down to the drug store and get a bottle of baby oil or moisturizer of some kind.
If for some reason you feel the need to have a bird shit on your face….well, I can’t help you with that one, clearly you’re a sick individual and should just go somewhere….far.
Before you go somewhere though, go here and vote for me! , I promise it will be fish and bird shit free….well, mostly.
14 comments:
T'S NEXT?? Using human urine to give shine to your hair??
Rich peole are seriously buggy!
As always you cracked me up!
I think there's quite enough poop here, April, to go around...
...but as always I'm still clicking on the smiley face for you, because poop is funny, especially your poop. ;)
This is a poop post I actually like. Too funny!
Eewwwwww! no bird shit on me! *gag* and I'm freaked out just by the thought of fish eating flesh off my feet, I'd never be able to enter the ocean again without fear. *wimper*
All this time I've been bitchin about the pelican shit on my windshield, never once realizing I've been wipering off a cosmetical goldmine!!!
It must be the heat down here.
And the humidity.
Oh, and the seagull shit fumes.
Yeah, that's it.
Poop-faced, urine-haired, fish-eaten, rich old bags! Whatever happened to aging gracefully? Not that I'm gonna do it or anything, just wondering what happened to it.
It was funnier when they injected Botox poison and all started to look alike.
With this, though, they can actually go around claiming they're 'going green'.
Pffft.
I hear that mouse vomit makes for a great body lotion.
I've got to ask - why the bird shit fascination?
I didn't believe you about the golf balls until I looked it up.
I shouldn't have doubted you or how insane we have become as a people.
Hehe, as a people. That's a fun phrase.
This is some funny shit!
LOL! I think it's all a joke on people who have too much money!
that shit is definitely for the birds (pun intended).
i got some spare cat shit....any marketing possibilities?
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