How about a home made mammogram?

I told myself I would never repeat this story, let alone write it down and share it with others. The event was traumatizing enough, but to recall it and have others know about it….just gives me the shakes.
Without sharing this story however, it clearly is a disappointment to my brother, who thinks anything that horrifying and hysterical should be shared with all…as much as possible. So now that he has started a blog himself, I will tell the tale, as to beat him to the punch.
It was a lazy hot day, I remember this fact because at the moment of the incident I was sweaty and irritated, bitching about not having air conditioning. We were getting ready to move and I was working hard at boxing things up. Because of the heat, I was just wearing boxers and a t-shirt and ‘the girls’ were hanging free, unsuppressed by the boulder slings (torture devices) we call a bra.
Now saying “boulders” is really being generous, a full C cup though is nothing to be unhappy about. After breastfeeding two kids who might as well have been attached to the tit for the whole 24hr day, “the girls” are not as perky as they used to be. Now why you ask is the state of my tits such an issue right now? Well it is the key leading to the tragic event itself.
My lovely husband was on the floor, unfortunately for him it was not because he was dead. He was taking something apart or whatever it was that I myself could not or did not want to do.
So I walk innocently up to the dresser I was clearing off and emptying and I grab the lamp and get on my tippy toes and lean over the dresser to yank the cord out of the wall. To much of my surprise I heard the top dresser drawer shut, after that I don’t remember much.
According to my husband’s recollection, he heard a blood curdling scream which scared him so bad he could only lay there in fear for his very soul. Yes people, the unthinkable happened….I had shut and closed my very own mammary in the top drawer.
The kind of shut where you have to open it to release whatever object is in it.
Now let’s all take a moment of silence and realize the magnitude of what I just said. I closed my tit, nipple, mammary or what ever you like to call it tightly into a dresser drawer. For some reason unknown to me, the world kept revolving, if I had any power all life would have ceased at that moment of impact.
Apparently my husband looked up at my convulsing body and thought I was being electrocuted. Unfortunately this was not the case, and I was fumbling against the sheer agonizing pain to open the drawer. I did finally open the drawer and again if I had powers of some sort, my husband would have been skinned alive were he lay.
Although he had the look of compassion he did know that if he made eye contact with me his heart would have stopped.
He did survive though and so did my breast. It did however turn black for a week, and since I was little I was told if something turns black, it’s gonna fall off. Now you know of my pain, and because of that I expect you to vote for me here